I tend to get introspective around this time of the year. As we approach the kids' spring birthdays, I remember the one that didn't get a chance to have a birth day.
I didn't expect yesterday's post to go quite how it did. But when the post began writing itself, I followed along, letting it tell its story.
I remember how lost I was during that time. How alone. I didn't realize that between 20 and 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, many of them before anyone realizes they ARE pregnant, but still a large number of women have to deal with the loss. I had never heard of what I had... a "missed miscarriage", where the body doesn't seem to recognize that the fetus isn't developing as it should and get rid of it on its own. I didn't know that miscarriages were more common in people who were dealing with infertility issues. I never knew that the "wait a year before seeing a doctor for infertility" didn't start the clock over after a pregnancy and miscarriage.
There was a lot I didn't know.
It wasn't until later that people began to come out of the woodwork, telling me of their experiences. Later that I found an infertility support group to help keep me sane. Later, after I already had dealt with it alone, fought my way through the depression, and was beginning to emerge on the other side.
I think it's a loss. So many women go through these times alone, not knowing how many others could offer support if they just shared, not realizing that other people want and need to hear the stories. So I hope that by sharing some of my stories, perhaps someone else won't feel quite as alone.
Because really, you aren't.
I didn't expect yesterday's post to go quite how it did. But when the post began writing itself, I followed along, letting it tell its story.
I remember how lost I was during that time. How alone. I didn't realize that between 20 and 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, many of them before anyone realizes they ARE pregnant, but still a large number of women have to deal with the loss. I had never heard of what I had... a "missed miscarriage", where the body doesn't seem to recognize that the fetus isn't developing as it should and get rid of it on its own. I didn't know that miscarriages were more common in people who were dealing with infertility issues. I never knew that the "wait a year before seeing a doctor for infertility" didn't start the clock over after a pregnancy and miscarriage.
There was a lot I didn't know.
It wasn't until later that people began to come out of the woodwork, telling me of their experiences. Later that I found an infertility support group to help keep me sane. Later, after I already had dealt with it alone, fought my way through the depression, and was beginning to emerge on the other side.
I think it's a loss. So many women go through these times alone, not knowing how many others could offer support if they just shared, not realizing that other people want and need to hear the stories. So I hope that by sharing some of my stories, perhaps someone else won't feel quite as alone.
Because really, you aren't.
4 comments:
losing a baby is devastating no matter if you are 6 weeks along or 9 months, it is your baby
It has to be a very hard thing to go through.
I know this does not compare but it kind of goes with this nicely. When I had to have my gall bladder out I was told it was the second most common operation. I had no idea as I never heard of anyone getting theirs out. I found as I told a few people, I was amazed at how many people that I was around all the time either had theirs out or knew someone that had theirs out. I also saw someone mention before that they had been abused as a child and I could not believe, once again, all the people that I thought I knew saying they had been abused too. There are just so many things that we just never talk about with others.
I think as long as you are up to talking about this it is a good thing not only for you but even for people you may never hear from.
Yeah it is Nikki. I think the hard part is letting myself mourn, because I keep seeing that it's worse for other people. They lost something tangible. But maybe it's harder for me because my loss WASN'T tangible. Who knows. I think it's all hard.
Barman, I know what you mean. People have a tough time opening up about stuff, even if it would help other people. It's sort of that onion thing I talked about on the other blog... I peel back a layer, and then you feel safer in doing so... :)
So many of us know so little, and not just about this. That's the key to life -- understanding and accepting that you know nothing. Surrendering.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss.
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