Then I glance at the clock: 5:55 glows in lime-green fluorescence.
"I can sleep another hour or so," I think, as I gently close my eyes in relief. I feel my heart pounding, but try to ignore it. Thoughts of all of the things I am behind in doing rush through my head.
Blondie's & Doober's physicals for their new schools that I still haven't gotten scheduled. Finding a time to have Pumpkin's birthday party. All those medical bills and insurance receipts that I need to get organized and sent in for FSA reimbursement. The bills I don't even know about because I haven't been through that stack-tray in weeks.
My heart pounds as quickly as my thoughts race. Shit. There is no way in hell I'm going to be able to go back to sleep.
The twinges of the panic attack continue to nudge me, letting me know that I can't stay in bed if I want to avoid the full panic-attack family reunion from taking place inside my head. By reminding me that I have so many things to do I could never finish them anyway. Reminding me that I haven't balanced the bank accounts because I'm afraid to learn that we don't have enough money in them to pay the bills that I haven't paid because I haven't balanced the bank accounts...
I blearily crawl out of bed and boot up my computer. I briefly consider digging through the bills. Then I open my bookmarks and browse to a more fun site. It's too early to do bills.
And besides... why do today what I have so successfully put off until tomorrow up to this point?
12 comments:
Just a little bit at a time darlin'! Don't stress out over it. Pick the most important thing and work on it for 15 minutes - then take a break. Then go back for 15 more minutes. Don't think that you MUST finish everything every time you sit down - oh yeah - and use a timer. This way you can't get side tracked. Perfectionism is the highest for of self-abuse. It is far better to do a little bit of something than to avoid it altogether because the immensity of it overwhelms you. Relax. Breathe. Do a little. Then maybe do a little more. Sooner or later it will get done!
Ain't that just the damn truth? I feel your pain, woman. I LOATHE bills, receipts, timelines, phone calls, RETURN phone calls, and the like.
Here's to things getting less hectic. You deserve it!
All my stressed always come worse at night. :(
I ALWAYS put off till tomorrow what should be done today! It's the American Way!!!
Don't you just hate that waking up, wanting to go back to sleep and can't due to your mind thinking and soon racing in so many directions. Hope you sleep better. You will get it all done in time. Good to see your words and know more why you are taking the breaks....Hugsssss ~L
KYCM
As they say; "the biggest journey begins with the smallest of steps"...
You are not the only one to live on the edge of "organized kaos", it has become that way for lots of people...
Take a deep breath, move forward and ease up on yourself...Life is too short to be as stressed as you seem to be...
Know what you're going through better than you think...
are you sure that you are not one of my other personalities and that it is really me writing this blog? hhhmmm it sounds a lot like my life! hehehehe hang in there sweetie
I meant to comment earlier, but I kept putting it off.
yeharr
Hey soul sista of procrastination!! High five!
Oh dearie, I so feel your pain. My office is litterally just scraps of bills and papers all over the floor in a spare bedroom.
Im a big fan of making lists. "Monday I'll do A and B, Tuesday I'll do C and D"... and so on and so forth until friday (Weekend's are for not doing doodly).
Hang in there, deep breaths, and all that good stuff. And if all that fails..... Chocolate. :)
I wanted to say, I hope you are feeling better now. I know you've been under a LOT of stress lately. Panic attacks are no fun. I'm so sorry! Breathe deeply.
God, I hate it when that happens! Why can't my husband be the one who lies awake worrying?
Damn that hamster in your head, for getting on the squeaky wheel so early in the morning - this is exactly why I hate hamsters1
Daisy, I like your 15 minute rule. I managed to get some bills paid and ONE of the accounts balanced by your method! (Now for the HUGE account... *sigh*)
BG, I can only HOPE for less hectic.
Chick, I think it's that way for most women. Guys? They just lie down and their eyes close. Totally unfair!
Jennifer, I think that you put off till tomorrow what you couldn't possibly squeeze into today. I've read your blog posts!
KYCM, not sure I'll get it all done, but somehow I'll get done what absolutely has to get done. And for now, that needs to be adequate.
Nikki... If I were one of someone else's personalities, it'd be great. Then I'd have a great, valid reason to not do all of this crap. Because it would be YOUR responsibility! hehe
BP: HA! Welcome back! :)
Chanda, I absolutely DESPISE lists. I do mental lists but that's it for me!
Marvin, it's always a little better once the worst of the bills are paid. It will be much better once I find time to do the main bank account. Maybe next week... lol
WBT, in my head, it's a guinea pig squeaking. He doesn't have a wheel, but he does run in circles a lot. Trust me, guinea pigs are much larger and more annoying than hamsters!
Post a Comment