It's all about me

I have about 15 people that I've given access to this blog, and it's private, meaning that there's no feed telling people when I have posted. So unless you're the creeper sort and stalk me daily, you probably seldom see my posts. But if you do stalk me daily, that's ok as long as you're not the creeper sort.

(You aren't, are you?)

(Just kidding. Mostly.)

Anyway, my point isn't to make you feel like a creeper. My point is that when I write, I am writing for my own benefit. I'm not writing for yours. It doesn't really matter if my posts are all perfect and inspirational and exciting to you because I'm probably one of the few people who see them. So the posts are about me, and for me. Which makes me sound kind of egotistical. But then, we all need a place to build our egos, right?

I decided to use my "all about me" place to document my attempts to become a healthier person. Obviously I've done that already... documenting my path in moving away from my ex-husband and my steps toward a better mental place. But now I want to get to a better physical place too.

In the past year, I have gained about 10 lbs. People kept telling me that a divorce is the best diet ever. It didn't work that way for me. I rebelled from his control of my food by eating what I felt like eating, when I felt like it. I didn't eat regularly... in fact some days I ate almost nothing. And I ate lots of fresco crunchy tacos from Taco Bell. I love those things. And I mean lots.

It was incredibly freeing to not have him looking over my shoulder at what I ate... to not have to listen to him urging me to weigh myself... to not hear his "we're getting older, and we have to watch what we eat...." speech yet another time.

Not that he wasn't right of course... we all should be watching what we eat. But while I may not be my worst critic (he definitely held that role), I do see every flaw and am pretty harsh on myself. And it's really hard to work on accepting yourself when your own spouse is there pointing out every flaw that you are trying to ignore.

Long story made not-so-short...

It's time, a year into this, to once again take responsibility for eating healthy and exercising enough to look like I want to look and weigh what I am most comfortable weighing. Which means I have about 10 lbs to lose, as well as a lot of StairMaster or bicycling to do, in order to get my legs back.

Speaking of legs... whose legs are these? When did I turn into my older sister? (I love you J~, I really do... but I prefer to look like myself!)

So yesterday, I hopped up on my StairMaster for the first time in at least 1 1/2 years (since we sold our first house, it was in storage, and I just got the power cord back for it a few weeks ago). I did a pathetic 8 minutes on it, just to get a start and make sure my sore back and hip aren't made worse by this type of exercise. When I finished, I drank a full 16 oz of water.

I'm not sure if it was yesterday's StairMaster or yesterday's body sculpting class, but my butt and legs were kind of sore today. So I got up this morning and repeated the 8 minutes. The 16 oz water bottle is sitting next to my breakfast. Yeah breakfast. Another thing I had stopped doing. And the less we eat, the more our metabolism slows down. Hence the 10 lbs I gained.

And am going to lose. As well as the flabby legs and stomach. It's time to find me again!