Take a load off!

It's annoying. While I get ready for work in the morning, I write all of these really awesome blog posts in my mind. Of course, by the time I have time to write them down, they have already leaked through the sieve. It'd be a lot easier if you'd just read my mind. Freaky for me, but easier.

(And maybe a little scary for you too, but that's beside the point.)

Today's mental post had to do with self-respect and codependency. I figure that if I randomly write for a while, I'll remember enough to put together some sort of post today. Not the genius post I mentally wrote earlier in the day, but it'll have to do.

Self-respect is easy to define... respecting yourself. It's a bit like doing the golden rule to yourself. You treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Nice. Straightforward.

When you are codependent, you exhibit a total lack of self-respect: you are treating other people in a way that you hope will influence the way they treat you.

And really, where is the logic in that? They really have no reason to treat you the way you want just because of your actions.. When they don't treat you the right way, you are constantly having to adjust your methods, trying to get them to treat you differently. You are constantly unhappy & frustrated at not being treated the way you want & deserve. And yet how many people do that to themselves constantly?

It's so much easier to just shrug it off and let it go. Don't worry so much about how someone treats you, but rather look for people who treat you the way you want.

If you want oranges, don't waste time trying to convince your apple tree to produce oranges. Just buy the damn oranges.

When someone doesn't treat you the way you expect, it's ok to tell them what is or isn't acceptable to you. That doesn't mean you're controlling them - they still have the right to choose how to treat you. It just means that you have the choice whether or not to accept how you are treated. It's a matter of them realizing that their own behavior has repercussions, so that they can choose whether or not to change their behavior.

By making the choice to control what you CAN control - your reaction to someone's treatment of you for example - you also are choosing to let go of the rest. After all... why would you want to hold on to something that is making you unhappy & frustrated, or someone who isn't treating you the way you deserve?

And that's the best way to take a load off.