(as posted on 1000 Words)
I'm pissed off. Which they say is better than being pissed on, and I suppose that's true.
But not much.
I really hate those automated phone systems.
This morning I saw a sticker on my front door when I returned from my carpool run. (And why is it called a carpool run when you make it in a van. Shouldn't it be a vanpool run? )
It seems FedEx was here yesterday.
UPS comes at normal times, before I go to work. They ring the doorbell, and sit the package outside, next to the door. But FedEx? They come the middle of the day. They almost always require a signature. They leave this note with some handwritten scrawls on it that I can't read. They have a "door tag" code that is supposed to be used for tracking a package, but that doesn't work on the website.
Yeah, I'm a little grumpy. So what.
So as a last resort, I brave their 800 number. Listen to the options. I say "Track a package" when they tell me to.
Nothing. It's like I'm not even speaking. Why do I feel like it's my husband that made their phone system? Their recording goes on and on. Kind of like my husband on the phone.
Press 2 to track a package.
I press 2. Nothing. I pressed it again. 2. Still nothing. 222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222222222 22222222222222 222222222222222222222222222 22222222222222222222222222222 Nothing.
I throw in a few choice "Fuck you"s too. They don't even recognize that. Go figure. The recording just keeps going and going.... the energizer automated attendant bunny.
Press 0 or say "Representative" to speak to a representative.
"Representative". 0 0 0000000000000 0000000000000000000 00000000000000000
I'm sorry, we can't understand you. Please try again at another time. Good-bye.
Yes, they hung up on me. A fucking automated phone line hung up on me. This is just not my day.
I'm pissed off. Which they say is better than being pissed on, and I suppose that's true.
But not much.
I really hate those automated phone systems.
This morning I saw a sticker on my front door when I returned from my carpool run. (And why is it called a carpool run when you make it in a van. Shouldn't it be a vanpool run? )
It seems FedEx was here yesterday.
UPS comes at normal times, before I go to work. They ring the doorbell, and sit the package outside, next to the door. But FedEx? They come the middle of the day. They almost always require a signature. They leave this note with some handwritten scrawls on it that I can't read. They have a "door tag" code that is supposed to be used for tracking a package, but that doesn't work on the website.
Yeah, I'm a little grumpy. So what.
So as a last resort, I brave their 800 number. Listen to the options. I say "Track a package" when they tell me to.
Nothing. It's like I'm not even speaking. Why do I feel like it's my husband that made their phone system? Their recording goes on and on. Kind of like my husband on the phone.
Press 2 to track a package.
I press 2. Nothing. I pressed it again. 2. Still nothing. 222222222222222222 2222222222222222222222222222222222 22222222222222 222222222222222222222222222 22222222222222222222222222222 Nothing.
I throw in a few choice "Fuck you"s too. They don't even recognize that. Go figure. The recording just keeps going and going.... the energizer automated attendant bunny.
Press 0 or say "Representative" to speak to a representative.
"Representative". 0 0 0000000000000 0000000000000000000 00000000000000000
I'm sorry, we can't understand you. Please try again at another time. Good-bye.
Yes, they hung up on me. A fucking automated phone line hung up on me. This is just not my day.
11 comments:
wow - that's aggravating
you'd think fedex would have their shit together more
Cadbury, EVERY automated system that I've used in the past has transferred me to a rep when it couldn't understand me. In fact, I consistently do that purposely... don't answer, or just press random numbers until I get one.
I could not believe that FedEx actually hangs up on you!
I HATE automated phone systems. I just had a run in with my dental insurance company's system yesterday. After what seemed like hours of pressing 1 2 or 3, putting my left foot in, my right foot out, turn around kiss my ass, whatever they told me to do I did. And what do you think? They hung up on me. Who needs teeth anyway.
FUCK THOSE THINGS! I hate them.
You truly think that a fucking computer is going to understand every dialect and regionalism out there? I HATE them.
If I pay my bill, I should get to talk to a human being. I use that term loosely due to the fact that most of the "humans" with whom I speak through customer service lines sound as though they're on fucking life support.
Gahhhhhhhh!
Mr. Sign ends up screaming into the phone which of course, does no good. He tried the fuck you line and didn't get far either.
Try this website to get phone numbers where you can talk to an actual person at a whole bunch of different companies:
http://gethuman.com/
(not much use for Martian companies, of course!)
Abbie Hoffman's "Steal This Book" has a passage where he describes how to hotwire your telephone into a wall electrical socket, frying most of the phones in your neighborhood. It is unfortunate that this method can't be channeled solely into the Interactive Voice Response computer at Fedex. That'd larn 'em.
I replied elsewhere but let me add something I thought of while reading Chanda's comment.
Did you ever see Candid Camera? Could you see if you could get a person in, lets say an office environment (first day on the job) being told they need to get something done and told to call this number. Of course the automated phone system at that phone number gives them easy things to accomplish at first and slowly gets more and more bizarre to get to the next step. I think this could be fun.
I know this does not help your encounter Lara but I just could not help but think about that. I hate those automated systems. Even when they work, there never is a choice that fits for what I am looking for. When I finally do get a human, I usually start out by apologizing if I got the wrong person.
Chanda, teeth are overrated. I mean, you can always gum cookies to death, right?
BG, you would have been proud of my fucking language this morning! LOL
Signgurl, I think "Fuck you" works better on an automated system than in person too... LOL
Marvin, I know that site. And according to it, I was supposed to say "representative" at every prompt. I think the problem this morning was a problem with their automated phone system, because I did everything I was supposed to and it recognized NOTHING.
Barman, that is totally EVIL! LOL
I hate hate HATE those automated phone thingies. 'Voice Recognition' my sweet ass, they never recognize mine -- EVER! Fucktastard bitch bastards!!
DAMMIT. Now I'm all worked up.
Maggie, usually you can just sit silently or push random numbers and it'll bring you to an option to talk to a real person.
And if that doesn't work, I try what Marvin said... I go to gethuman.com and see what they tell me to try.
It's ok... just sit down and have a nice drink, you'll feel better. ;)
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