Someday I think I'll own a restaurant. I'll take the old smoking section, made obsolete by the non-smoking laws, and turn it into a phone section.
A cute girl with a clipboard will meet you at the door. "Phone, no phone, or first available?" she'll ask.
At first, everyone will want to be in the phone section. Because there's this fear of missing a call if you turn your phone off.
And also because they're scared of the bouncer I'll hire. He'll be this big, burly guy with long blonde hair... some recent retiree from the WWF. His job will be to drag you out and throw you onto your tush on the sidewalk if you're caught using your phone in the no phone section. And he'll take great pride in his job. He does, after all, have a wide variety of well-rehearsed throws, and he clearly enjoys making a spectacle of himself.
In time, the phone section will become so polluted with noise that a few in the no phone section will revolt. "Your phones are polluting our air space," they will complain.
Lawyers will begin to take lawsuits on the dangers of secondary phone pollution. Legislators will become involved, worried about the economic effect of the large settlements levied against phone companies who have unscrupulously promoted phone use in certain target markets solely to gain more profits. They will begin to pass laws restricting public phoning, trying to reduce the lawsuit's effects. Secret memos will surface, proving the litigator's points, while the phone companies will still deny the glaring facts.
Restaurants will see the beginning of the end, having to build sound-proofed phone sections or force phone users (or 'phonies' for short) to take it outside. "We can't afford to ban phoning," they will complain. But the progressive ones will create no phone days on Sundays, proving that a no phonies policy will actually result in increased visits by the phone-free crowd. Even some phonies will begin to enjoy the newfound ability to have face-to-face conversations.
And there you have it. My way to world peace... or at least a phone-free dinner.
