Girl X: a text message?!? SERIOUSLY?!?!?Immediately following that, was the following account change:
Girl X is no longer listed as in a relationship.Being the genius that I am, I quickly put two and two together, and actually came up with four. I immediately volunteered to organize a texting posse to inundate the offending male with retributive text messages, but she told me no. (And I still think it would have been appropriate, even if he DID have a good reason for breaking up that way.)
I just don't think people understand the fine art of breaking up.
It brought to mind my younger son's experience with being dumped. We went on a week-long summer vacation two years ago. And we came home to a very interesting answering machine message:
Doober, this is Maggie. I hate to tell you this, but Kris wants to break up with you.Now perhaps she intended for the humor of this situation to ease the heartbreak, but I suspect that she was just too lame to call herself.
Tip to potential breaker-uppers: text messages and having a friend leave a voice mail are both equally lame methods.
But what works? Honestly, I don't know. I've never been broken up with, because I never really went steady either. I did break up with a guy once, but only because he (let's call him K) announced to me, after long-distance dating for about 5 months, and only actually seeing each other several times during that period, that I was the girl that God intended for him to marry.
Strange. I thought there was only one true God, but my God was telling me nothing of the sort. So I decided to push God's hand a little, and I broke up with good old K. I decided that if K was right about God's intentions, God would make it known to me. Let's just say he didn't.
Do I have a point here?
Not really, to be honest. I guess I just never thought about how many wrong ways there might be to break up with someone.
I've come up with two... I'm curious about how many others can you add to the list.
7 comments:
Hrumph.
I'll hold a class during the summer session. You know me - woman of harsh words and little patience.
I will cover the following topics:
1. How to break up correctly.
2. How to dump someone who treats you like shit.
3. How to effectively tell sloths to get out of your life - including platonic friends.
4. Being a bitch - it's easier than you think.
One lucky participant will receive a stipend to pay for the class.
Ha! You SHOULD teach the class... you are a PRO!
And with topic #4, I'm signing up for sure!
I love the curriculum for Buddha Girl's conference! Where is she holding it? I might be able to guest speak on being a bitch.
Is there really a good way to break up with someone? Face to face is the most respectful, but also the hardest. Then there's the Dear John letter, which I guess could apply to emails in this day and age.
But texting? Yah, tres lame!
I've never had a very successful one. But I've never done a text breakup or had a friend do it for me. I did, one time, put all the girl's shit out on my porch and lock the door. Then she broke all the windows in my house with a baseball bat. That went well...
Well there was that episode of Sex & the City where the guy broke up with Carried via Post IT on her computer screen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKOOH6h_eNo
Of course my favorite way that I broke up with someone was when I was in college. I had gone on a couple dates with this guy and he was "in love" and clingy and annoying and I didn't want anything to do with him. When he didn't seem to understand my very clear message that it was over, I decided that if he wasn't understanding plain English, perhaps he would understand another language better. Whenever he was around, I'd start speaking in a combination of Russian, German and French - none of which he understood... When I wouldn't say anything to him in English, he finally got the hint and fucked off like I wanted him to do in the first place. Bitchy, yes...effective..very much so! Oh and the extra bright side, it gave me opportunity to practice my additional languages (since I was taking French, German and Russian at the time... might as well get some conversational use out of them, right?)
Oh and ironically - my CAPTCHA is "Macking" as in I was macking on someone else, so I broke up with my stalker by talking foreign languages! ;)
People are such cowards. A breakup text deserves a beating in response. ;-)
WBT - Sometimes you do have to write, depending on where the soon-to-be-former-beau is located, but even writing is pretty lame. Most of us DO have phones, right?
Freeman... HA! Yes I suppose she COULD have handled it worse. Though I'm still trying to figure out how.
Melissa, sometimes you have to be obtuse intentionally, when someone doesn't take a hint. And you are so creative at it too! Far better than me just "having to work" every weekend when Merv asked me out.
Marvin, yes I'm not sure what's up with her gentle response to it actually. She's the type of girl who would normally pull out the baseball bat like Freeman's ex!
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