Stuff like my brother going to jail. Because it's too personal to write about, and if I say that I have a brother in jail, you'll think he's a bad guy.
But he isn't. He's a really, really good guy.
A guy who spent years being worn down by his life (and certain people in his life) until he wasn't really himself any more. And then he made one mistake and felt devastated and guilty and almost suicidal because of it, and went to a counselor for help. And the counselor said she couldn't help his type of issues, but she still had to turn him in to the police. And he was fine with the latter, but not the former, because when you need help and all you get is legal issues, it really doesn't help you, does it?
So now he's in jail. For a year.
And I really miss him. And he can only have 3 visitors, once a week for 15 minutes. And I'd have to drive 3 hours to see him for that 15 minute time-slot, and he'd have to put me on that month's list of 6 allowed visitors, leaving others off the list. So that probably won't happen. Knowing that makes missing his phone call attempt last week a little harder to swallow, since I can't call him back.
And I think of all the things he'll miss, and the things he has already missed. He was the only family member (out of 38 kids, in-laws, grandkids, and great-grandkids) who didn't make it to mom & dad's 60th anniversary gathering. He'll spend his 50th birthday in jail. He'll miss Christmas with our family, and perhaps even my son's high school graduation. And once he gets out, he'll have to go into a new field of work, because his old occupation won't be an option after this.
It all makes me wonder. Why can some people plea-bargain out of almost anything, and yet other people who turn themselves in and beg for help, end up with their lives devastated?
3 comments:
Lara,
When John Bradford spoke the words, "There but for the grace
of God (go I)" - he was referring to those imprisoned.
I am so sorry to hear about this - the truth is it can happen to ANY OF US. Your brother is not alone in his humanness... I am sure that his is a good guy that made a BAD mistake.
I pray that the time he spends away will help him find the internal answers he needs to continue on to a better life.
I will also pray that you family has the strength to pull through together.
You know I know.
I'm so sorry you missed his call and have to be at the beck and call of a system that failed him.
I'm here. Always.
I stumbled on this today and thought of you:
Sometimes grace works like water wings when you feel as if you are sinking. - Anne Lamott.
I hope some grace comes your way tonight and will light two more candles this weekend - one for you and one for bro.
See, you need ANOTHER anonymous blog, and only tell the people you like that the two blogs are related.
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I think the rule is, if you commit a crime, or think you have committed a crime, DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT. TO ANYONE.
Nevertheless, if he is in jail, he must be there for a spiritual reason, and he will be a better person when he gets out. Everything happens for a reason. It just takes us awhile to figure it out.
Post a Comment