This morning before work, I stretched out on the couch & read a book. In the aftermath of my announcement to my husband, several months ago, that I wanted to divorce, he purchased this book. He gave it to our daughter to read yesterday, and she left it laying out so I took the opportunity to read it this morning.
It's a simple, childish story but with an important message.
So this morning, I thought about cheese, and my reaction to it. About how I approach change (or run from it). And I realized something important... my husband was right in one of the things he said to me, though not in his interpretation of it. He told me that what I'm doing isn't like me, and interpreted that to mean that someone or something else is influencing me in some way. It must be depression, or menopause, or an affair, or friends telling me what to do.
It couldn't possibly be that I finally realized I was starving, and would die if I didn't finally find some new cheese. Could it?
What I'm doing really ISN'T like me. Facing problems... dealing with them... making the decision to actually leave him... that's very unlike me.
I tend to be like Hem in the book.
I put up with the lack of cheese in my marriage for a very long time. I did everything I could to find a way to ignore the fact that I had no more cheese. I starved myself, and tried everything I could try to make up for the fact that the cheese was long gone.
Until, eventually, unlike Hem, I felt like dying might be more pleasant than living without cheese. I knew that I had to go against everything in me and venture out into the maze to find some cheese again. So I finally chose Haw's route.
The maze can be pretty scary at times, but every time I find a few crumbs of cheese, it serves as a reminder that even more cheese is out there for me.
Some days that reminder is invigorating and exciting. Other days the fear still overwhelms, and I have to keep reminding myself to keep going in spite of the fear.
Throughout Haw's journey through the maze, searching for new cheese, he periodically wrote various "truths" that he discovered on the maze walls. One of Haw's mottoes is especially important in my quest:
Answering that question is an ongoing journey.
It's a simple, childish story but with an important message.
So this morning, I thought about cheese, and my reaction to it. About how I approach change (or run from it). And I realized something important... my husband was right in one of the things he said to me, though not in his interpretation of it. He told me that what I'm doing isn't like me, and interpreted that to mean that someone or something else is influencing me in some way. It must be depression, or menopause, or an affair, or friends telling me what to do.
It couldn't possibly be that I finally realized I was starving, and would die if I didn't finally find some new cheese. Could it?
What I'm doing really ISN'T like me. Facing problems... dealing with them... making the decision to actually leave him... that's very unlike me.
I tend to be like Hem in the book.
I put up with the lack of cheese in my marriage for a very long time. I did everything I could to find a way to ignore the fact that I had no more cheese. I starved myself, and tried everything I could try to make up for the fact that the cheese was long gone.
Until, eventually, unlike Hem, I felt like dying might be more pleasant than living without cheese. I knew that I had to go against everything in me and venture out into the maze to find some cheese again. So I finally chose Haw's route.
The maze can be pretty scary at times, but every time I find a few crumbs of cheese, it serves as a reminder that even more cheese is out there for me.
Some days that reminder is invigorating and exciting. Other days the fear still overwhelms, and I have to keep reminding myself to keep going in spite of the fear.
Throughout Haw's journey through the maze, searching for new cheese, he periodically wrote various "truths" that he discovered on the maze walls. One of Haw's mottoes is especially important in my quest:
"What Would You Do If You Weren't Afraid?"
Answering that question is an ongoing journey.
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