It was a stressful time last week, anticipating having to give the bad news. Actually filing, having to tell him I did, and having to tell our daughter what was going on... those things have been stressing me beyond belief for a while now.
Friday his copy of the papers came, but he was gone so I signed for them. When he got home, I never had a chance alone to give them to him, so I had to wait. Saturday morning I told him that I had filed during the week, and as I handed them to him added that his papers had come Friday.
He was... angry... to put it lightly.
Because I paid a retainer and hired a lawyer. I wasted $1500 for something we could have done for $500. And we had apparently agreed to go that route. He had talked to a lawyer a block away from our home who would give us the forms to fill out on our own, and charge us only $400-500 total. And now this means that he has to get a lawyer too, according to him.
But I never agreed to his route. He just said it, and assumed I would agree with him.
He said this was the second time I had done this. I had also talked to the boys before they left for school after Christmas break, but I didn't mention it to him before they left, so he didn't get a chance to talk to them in person too. I was supposed to talk to them WITH him, not on my own.
I had never agreed to that either.
But this was my second strike and he says he is not going to accept a third one. Anything more and things will get ugly and expensive, according to him. And while I don't like the idea of cowing under to his threats, I also don't like the idea of ugly and expensive, and what it would do to the kids.
He went on to talk about how he had been planning to be generous with our belongings, and was going to give me the dining room table and chairs even though he wanted them... when he COULD just take a saw and cut them in half to split them. I told him that would be destroying marital assets and that he would now be liable for the damages.
I don't think he expected me to react so logically to something that was intended to generate an emotional response, because that seemed to stop him in his tracks.
And the daughter took it surprisingly well when we told her Saturday afternoon. She asked if we really couldn't make it work after 25 years. And I said, "No, I really don't think I can." And then she cried a little bit and I hugged her, and he hugged her.
And since then, she has just asked a few questions but hasn't been overly emotional at all. I think she knew it wasn't really working, but hoped I'd keep putting up with it anyway. He seems to be taking it far worse than any of the kids.
I'm glad she seems to be ok, so that I can start to be ok again soon too.
Friday his copy of the papers came, but he was gone so I signed for them. When he got home, I never had a chance alone to give them to him, so I had to wait. Saturday morning I told him that I had filed during the week, and as I handed them to him added that his papers had come Friday.
He was... angry... to put it lightly.
Because I paid a retainer and hired a lawyer. I wasted $1500 for something we could have done for $500. And we had apparently agreed to go that route. He had talked to a lawyer a block away from our home who would give us the forms to fill out on our own, and charge us only $400-500 total. And now this means that he has to get a lawyer too, according to him.
But I never agreed to his route. He just said it, and assumed I would agree with him.
He said this was the second time I had done this. I had also talked to the boys before they left for school after Christmas break, but I didn't mention it to him before they left, so he didn't get a chance to talk to them in person too. I was supposed to talk to them WITH him, not on my own.
I had never agreed to that either.
But this was my second strike and he says he is not going to accept a third one. Anything more and things will get ugly and expensive, according to him. And while I don't like the idea of cowing under to his threats, I also don't like the idea of ugly and expensive, and what it would do to the kids.
He went on to talk about how he had been planning to be generous with our belongings, and was going to give me the dining room table and chairs even though he wanted them... when he COULD just take a saw and cut them in half to split them. I told him that would be destroying marital assets and that he would now be liable for the damages.
I don't think he expected me to react so logically to something that was intended to generate an emotional response, because that seemed to stop him in his tracks.
And the daughter took it surprisingly well when we told her Saturday afternoon. She asked if we really couldn't make it work after 25 years. And I said, "No, I really don't think I can." And then she cried a little bit and I hugged her, and he hugged her.
And since then, she has just asked a few questions but hasn't been overly emotional at all. I think she knew it wasn't really working, but hoped I'd keep putting up with it anyway. He seems to be taking it far worse than any of the kids.
I'm glad she seems to be ok, so that I can start to be ok again soon too.
No comments:
Post a Comment