I found it interesting because it was written by the daughter of a divorced couple, and I could very much relate myself to her description of her father. It was a bit of an eye-opener to read her perspectives and consider that maybe that is how my children feel.
One statement in particular struck home:
"Even though I may have related to my father, I understand that my mom felt totally blindsided. After all, my dad so rarely stood up for himself, he never called her out on her shit. Not until the divorce."That explained a lot to me about where my stbx is currently at, and why he seems to be in a daze. I blindsided him.
I never really stood up for myself either, at least I hadn't for many years. It just became exhausting to do that, so I quit trying. Over the winter, during one of our many multi-hour discussions, he commented that I never told him there were problems or that I was unhappy before. He felt like now that I had finally told him, he deserved the chance to fix things. But at least once he admitted to something more realistic. He said I may have complained about things sometimes, but he just blew off my complaints because all women complain.
Disclaimer: Now, I realize the following is a total generalization, and if you've been invited here, you probably don't meet this stereotype because if you did, you wouldn't have been invited!!! So please don't take offense.
In my totally generalized perspective, women analyze everything. Men think it's over-analyzing, but we think it's necessary and a good thing. So men ignore our analysis and walk along with blinders on, choosing to see only what strikes them directly in the face. Why deal with anything more than necessary? If it's truly important, eventually it WILL hit them in the face, and then they'll know to deal with it.
Which works, to a degree. Eventually the important things WILL hit you in the face. But sometimes by the time something hits you in the face, it's too late to fix it.
5 comments:
A silent, standing applause from here.
My experience exactly. Sometimes it's just to late to fix.
And I'm quite certain that he listens now only because it's obvious that it's too late. Now he takes you seriously.
I got to the conclusion that's it was too late. And I am so relieved.
I found "the Happy Life".
It is okay for life to be easy and happy.
It took me a long time to realize that.
... and I just felt like sharing this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nu0ag3GcwMc&feature=channel_video_title
GM... not sure what, exactly, you're applauding, but thanks!
HK... it's pretty apparent that he didn't take me seriously until I actually filed. I believe he seriously thought I wouldn't go through with it. Probably because I always gave in before, so why should he think this time was different (even though I never mentioned divorce before)...
And I look forward to checking out that video when I get home. Thanks!
My standing ovations are for the totality of your post, Zephyr. Your insights and observations, which I share or at least recognize.
And when things hit you in the face, as you say, varying strategies apply. You're witnessing one. Another one might be: "There's a message in this for me that I need to interpret! Please, give me some time and I may learn something. I may not be able to fix things, but I'll be a better person!"
In some ways he's making things easier for you by not reacting that way.
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