100 Dreams

Those of you who know me well are very aware that I am anti-list.

Part of that is because my almost-ex lived by lists, and in his mega-controlling way, would leave lists of things for the children and me to do too. (So I would passive-aggressively refuse to cross items off of his list after I did them, just to annoy him.)

So imagine my surprise when, after reading this post about lists, I actually am considering doing it?

I'm not sure why I'm having this potential change of heart, but I think it has to do with my lack of direction. I have spent too many years knowing that I couldn't have dreams. I knew that it didn't matter what I wanted, if it conflicted with the almost-ex's goals. So it was better for me to not try to have any dreams, because then I wouldn't be disappointed at not getting what I wanted.

And somewhere along the way, I almost forgot how to have hopes and dreams. After deciding that my life gave me no future, my initial thoughts about my hopes were pretty simple. But now, as I relax from the years of stress and realize it's ok to dream, the idea is becoming more appealing. I like the thought of listing all sorts of things I want to do in my life. I like the idea of focusing my dreams.

Some will be simple, of course. Maybe I'll even cross them off the list as I do them!

And some will probably be ridiculously expensive. But that's what makes them dreams right?