A letter to myself

Dear Sage,

Just because someone says something is your fault doesn't mean it actually is your fault. It could be, of course. But it may be their fault and they are in denial. Or it may be a little bit the fault of each of you.

Look at each situation and trust your judgement.

Never accept less from a relationship than what you give. And it is ok to admit that a relationship does not meet your needs. It is not ok to always take whatever someone else is willing to offer, and try to make it be enough. That isn't fair to anyone.

You deserve equal rights in a relationship.

If someone gives the silent treatment and shuts you out after a disagreement, they are being petty and immature. If the relationship matters to them, they will be as anxious to seek you out and work on reconciliation as you are. It is always ok to make the first move toward reconciliation. You need to make yourself open to them, but it isn't healthy to bend over backward to try to fix a disagreement with someone who has chosen to shut you out rather than to discuss the situation and try to find a compromise.

Relationships go two ways.

Someone may be an important friend at one point in your life, but as you grow and change, the relationship needs to as well. And if the other person can't make that adjustment, the relationship may not survive. It's sad, but it's also normal. And sometimes it is inevitable. And it's ok and probably healthier to just let it go if it comes to that point.

Sometimes you can outgrow a relationship.

And last but not least... Trust yourself. You are smart. You are caring and sensitive. You treat people fairly and have good intentions. If someone tells you otherwise, ask for their reasons for thinking that, and examine them. If they seem right, then you have another thing to work on. And if the reasons don't seem right? Or if they won't give you reasons? Then you let it go. You owe it to yourself to be able to make that discrimination. Perhaps in time you will find out you were wrong. And if you do? Add another "to do" to the list. But NEVER change yourself because of what someone else says, unless you truly believe it.

Be true to who you are.

You're not perfect, but you're awesome anyway. Let yourself believe that. Own it.

Love you,
Yourself