Over the weekend, I replied to two "personal ads" that I found on my local Craigslist.
No, I'm not trying to date. These were posts by recently-divorced females who felt their ex husbands had gotten to keep the friends in the divorce, so they are looking for new friends. I can totally relate, though I'm not upset at him keeping our friends. I didn't really care much for most of them. They were always his friends anyway... I never had my own friends around here.
But it's time to find some, and I think Craigslist might be a better way than, say, barhopping.
One of these girls seems a lot like me... I think we'll get along well, and I'm looking forward to finding out. The other one? Well, she seems a lot like I used to be. Namely, excessively needy and co-dependent, with very poor self-esteem, and unwilling or unable to move out of the past. Reading her words was a bit like looking a time-travel mirror.
But I found it fascinating that I could see that in her immediately. I found myself wanting to show her the path that I've been on because I remember how awful the feelings were when I was where she is now. I remember those horrible messages my inner voice was always giving myself. And as I drove to work today, I realized that those messages are almost entirely foreign to me now. I've found a new inner voice... a positive yet realistic one. I would love for her to find that peace inside herself too. I don't know if she's ready to face the difficult changes she'll have to make in herself to get there, but I hope so.
A good friend (you know who you are) told me that it's ok for life to be easy. He was right. And I hope that maybe I can pass that message along to her too. The inner peace is worth every difficult step.
3 comments:
Not only is it OK for life to be easy. It's OK for a partnership to be easy too.
In my past life I subscribed to the theory of complements. I found partners who represented something I wanted in myself but didn't have.
In my good life, ie. now, I have found a partner who is what I know I am. We met, we clicked, we laughed and we made love ... happen. It's been 12 formidable years and I still rejoice at my fortune.
Ronald Reagan once said something to the effect of: "Nancy can make me feel lonesome when she walks into the next room!" I suppose that's the direct opposite of what you had.
While unsuccessfully looking for the proper quote I came across this one - also from Reagan:"“Love is not a force between a mind and a body, but a force between two hearts. Your mind and eyes will never tell you when you feel true love, for only your heart can recieve the true love that another heart sends directly to it.”
He really wasn't always Bozo the Clown.
My third and final Reagan quote would be this: “There are no easy answers but there are simple answers. We must have the courage to do what we know is morally right.”
That sums it up nicely, doesn't it?
Oh yes.
It is okay for life to be easy. I learned that the hard way, just like you and the woman you talk about.
In my country we have a wonderful singer called Tina Dickow - I'd like to introduce you to her:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSqBau6ykfA
http://www.youtube.com/user/hanskvinde?feature=mhee#p/c/55B4E8A67039CB1F/15/J20YvljGZqI
It's okay for life to be easy.
It's okay to feel the feelings you have. That's what makes you ... you.
It's okay for you to be you.
Thanks to both of you for the ongoing support. I admire who each of you is individually, as well as the relationship you share, so your comments and advice are things that I take very seriously. And someday, I very much hope to be able to meet you. :)
GM... I think that what is most important is to be complete myself... to not need someone to complete me. And then instead of finding a complement, to find another complete person, and just be ourselves together.
held... I will check out those songs. If you enjoy them, I'm pretty certain that I will also. :) And it is more than ok to be me... it's wonderful to be me. :)
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