It definitely beats out selling our house, storing our belongings all over the county, and temporarily moving into a friend's 2 room apartment in her upstairs, while trying to get OUR house livable.
It beats fighting morning sickness that lasts all day, and losing our first child. It beats three more pregnancies full of morning sickness, especially while trying to care for toddlers at the same time. It beats giving birth to a daughter while having a 2 year old and a 4 year old at home, and having a probable herniated disk, so having to do it all while almost being unable to walk.
It even beats graduating from college, losing most of my friends due to that graduation, moving into a new home, starting a new job, and getting married, all in about a 4 month period.
It's bad enough to have to talk when all you want to do is practice avoidance, but with no sanctuary from the constant pressure other than work... nowhere to go to get away... the pains in your chest never seem to dissipate.
So... all of the above means that I'm trying to come up with a financial settlement agreement without having to go to court, and that I'm stressing greatly.
I think we're actually getting pretty close. I've given in on some things, but that's ok... there's a lot more important things to me than money and belongings. Freedom ranks pretty highly up there too.
And if we can hash out an agreement, I can have my freedom in about... 32 days. My freedom to relax here (but with alternate furniture of course):
Except for the table and chairs. It's tough to think that a simple maple dining room table and chairs could keep me out of my new house, but it's true. He wants it. And I can't back down on this one. It was our wedding gift from my family... mom and dad bought it from my mom's cousin's estate auction and refinished it themselves. They bought 6 new chairs, finished them to match it, and my siblings gave those to us.But he is 'very emotionally attached to it, because there are so many memories of family dinners using that table and chairs.'
"Forced dinners," commented Blondie cynically, when I told him why his father thinks he deserves the table. He said I shouldn't back down. The pumpkin said she wants me to have the table too. Even my minister said I need to stand firm on this one.
Standing firm is not my forte. And I want to close on my house SOON. But there comes a time when giving in is not an option. I think this is the time.
6 comments:
I read of an American caught in a rock slide, trapped with his arm between rocks. Once he realized he was going to die if he stayed where he was, he cut off his arm with a pocket knife and walked back to life.
I'm sure you've heard the story.
Don't forget breathing. Deep breaths do wonders to your chest pains - and your courage.
True... but... it's not good for me OR him if I give in on everything. That's been my tendency for too long. I wouldn't die if I had to wait... I'd just have to adjust my plans for a while.
Oh girl! I hate that you're having to go through this, the pains not unlike giving birth, though this time it's a New Life you're giving birth to. It's a tough call - 32 days to freedom if you give in again, vs. an unknown quotient of time of you stand and fight. I find myself asking why the damn table is worth so much to him - is it purely sentimental, or is it because it causes you pain? Wishing you the strength and serenity to find your way through this.
WBT, I really don't know, but I suspect there are numerous reasons, or at least numerous possibilities:
-- he has lost his ability to control, and he's grasping for control?
-- his future has been 'destroyed' in his view, so he is trying desperately to hold onto his past?
-- he is hurting and wants me to hurt too?
Regardless, 'image' is very important to him, and he also has constantly preached that I should do what is "fair" rather than what is technically allowed legally. I think what is "fair" here is pretty obvious to anyone willing to look.
Is he open to so form of payoff for the table and chairs… are you?
Marty... monetarily he is pairing the table & chairs against the king size bed (which is actually probably worth more). So I told him that means he gets the bed, and he replied that he thinks I should get the bed and he should get the dining room set. I beg to differ.
But I don't think he wants money... he either really wants the table, or more likely, he just really wants to make me suffer.
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