The potato rule

Sometimes you can't make it on your own.  But sometimes, you need to.

I'm finding that as I progress through the divorce and reclaim who I am, other people have lots of advice to offer.  Some is very good advice.  Some would probably be awesome advice for someone, but it doesn't fit me.  And some is probably not good for anyone.

So it's my new task to sort the advice. And it's kind of like sorting potatoes.

After the potato harvest, Mom used to send my brothers and me out to sort out the tiny ones.  But which ones were tiny?  It's not like she gave us something with a little hole cut through it to indicate the size.  So my brother and I made up the potato rule... "When in doubt, throw it out."  

Though I can see a potato template now... it would have made our job so much easier...

Here's a template... if the potato fits through the hole, toss it over into that pail.  Otherwise just look for cuts & bad spots before putting them here in this crate.

Why can't life come with a series of templates?  Why do we have to figure out everything?  Imagine how helpful it would be just for dating.

If a guy tells you "xxxxx", run for the hills.  If he wears plaid pants, turn around and never look back.  Etc.

Wouldn't that sort of checklist on dating make it all so much easier?  We need one for child-rearing too. Another or moving through that transitional period from childhood to adulthood.  And that's just the start of it... we could make a whole life-book of checklists.

But now, I'm left to muddle through on my own.  To take the advice of well-meaning friends or relatives who think they know everything about my situation because they've been through something similar, and try to navigate through what would actually work for me.  Of course, some just think they know everything because they are the type to always know everything, but that's a separate issue.  But with these friends who offer advice, whether solicited or unsolicited, I know they have the best intentions.  And while I appreciate input, I prefer to view the input as suggestions, not as definitely the correct course of action.  And I find many are upset if I don't follow their advice.

For some reason, in spite of not having the best track record for decision-making, I still think I'm the best one to determine what advice will work for me and what won't.  I haven't told anyone about EVERY little thing that has gone on in my life.  I will always be the only one who knows all about me, so it seems reasonable to think that I might be the best one to know what will work for me.  And given my history of giving in to controlling and manipulative behavior, I find it even more important to figure things out for myself.

Besides, you learn from your mistakes.  Sometimes you need to be allowed to make them.  And if someone gives you advice... advice that you consider, and you just can't be sure it's right for you... I say it's time to follow the potato rule.